TRUST ME

Establishing Trust In Your Marriage!

Trust!

That’s something that’s earned, right?

I mean, we don’t just put our trust in anyone (or anything) unless we are sure they (or it) is worthy of it.

What about when God asks us to trust him? That can be difficult for some, especially for new believers where no track record of trust has been established yet.

So how do we establish trust with God, and subsequently develop trust in our marriage?

God Is Always Good!

This first thing we have to get straight is that God is ALWAYS and ONLY good. The Word tells us “His (God’s) plans for us are to prosper us not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). It also tells us “He wishes above all things that we would prosper and be in health, even as our souls prosper” (3 John 2). And there are many other places in the Bible that show us God’s intentions towards us. He comes right out and tells us who we are in Christ Jesus…it’s not hidden. AND it’s all good!

So He is absolutely worthy of putting our trust in!

Some may have doubts about this because they see bad things happening in the world, or in their own particular lives and families. Certainly there are horrible things going on, sometimes unimaginable calamites, trials or devastating circumstances. But we need to know that God does not orchestrate bad or evil things.

Unpleasant things happen because of the fallen world we live in. But the good news is God gave us a way out, a way of protection from the things going on around us…His name is Jesus, and His sacrifice for us was a “once and done” deal. It was enough to satisfy God relative to man’s sin…once for all!

AND, God is the same yesterday, today and forever! Se He has not changed His mind on this! (Hebrews 13:8).

Your Spouse Is Not Your Enemy!

After we get our thinking clear about God and realize He is

more than worthy of our trust, we next have to extend trust to our spouse. One thing we tell couples a lot is this…”your spouse is not your enemy”. In other words, “you’re on the same team”.

  • Will we let each other down sometimes? Certainly!
  • Is there a chance trust will be violated? Sure!
  • Will there be disappointments? Yup!

But when we take a step back from the things that happen to us (or that we think were done to us) we can choose to see things in a different light. Maybe through God’s eyes? Now there’s a noble idea! LOL

We all sin and fall short, and God still loves us, still forgives us, and He still believes in us. So when we feel wronged, what gives us the right to hold unforgiveness against the other person for an extended (sometimes indefinite) period of time? God forgives us, so we need to extend forgiveness too. Not doing so would be putting ourselves above Him.

Vertical Trust B4 Horizontal Trust!

We’ve said it many times in classes we’ve taught, small groups we’ve led and in individual counseling…

…when your relationship (trust) with God is right, then your relationship (trust) with your spouse can be right.

Any earthly relationship will not be “as right” as it can be until our relationship with God is “as right” as it can be. That has to come first. That’s why we started out this blog with God first. Trust in God! Then trust can flow in your marriage!

Helpful? Let us know! We’d love to hear from you.

#marriage #trust #intimacy #forgiveness

Cultivating INTIMACY in Marriage

Intimacy is defined as a “close familiarity or friendship; closeness.” We all long for unconditional acceptance and closeness. We want to be cared for, known, understood, and loved for who we are.

Proverbs 19:22 . says, “What is desired in a man is steadfast love”

That kind of love is unwavering…it is new every morning as Lamentations 3:22-23 refers to God’s steadfast love for us.  It is a faithful, intimate love.

Being intimate involves the “mixing of our life with another, a mingling of souls, a sharing of hearts”. This is something we all long for because it’s how God made us. We were designed to connect.

We are made in the image of God…we were designed to know God and to be fully known by Him.

Author Timothy Keller said:Timothy Keller Quote: “But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything.”

IS IT POSSIBLE TO KNOW THIS KIND OF INTIMATE LOVE?

The answer is YES…but it’s our response to Christ and a relationship with Him that equips us to love and be loved, because our Heavenly Father is the one who fills us through our intimate relationship with Christ.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE?  EVERYTHING!

When we dated, we pursued each other, spent time together, served one another, communicated, and intentionally prioritized the relationship.  Then we got married.

If marriage is the end goal of dating then day one of marriage becomes day one of  drifting away from each other towards isolation.  But if marriage is the starting point, then marriage is an intentional pursuit of each other’s hearts…a life long journey together of being known and fully known by each other with the Holy Spirit as our guide.

We get married and have an unrealistic expectation of what marriage will look like.  Marriage is work.  Getting married is easy; but staying married and even more importantly having a passionate, loving, thriving…not just surviving marriage… takes intentional effort. It’s continually communicating, being quick to forgive, and remembering you are on the same team.

We tell couples, if the enemy can’t get in front of you to stop you; he will get behind you and push you so fast that you will lose each other in the midst of the fast paced race of life.

HOW DO WE MAKE TIME TO CONNECT AND HAVE GREATER INTIMACY? 

Protect Your Marriage by Establishing Boundaries – In God's Image

  1. Be intentional
  2. Schedule time together
    • Make an appointment and protect that time. We make appointments for things that are important to us.
    • Pray together; read a devotional; read at least one marriage enrichment book a year together.
    • Schedule date nights, date mornings, day dates…whatever works for your schedules..BUT SCHEDULE THEM.
    • Use this time to debrief, check schedules, discuss the budget, make a budget, get on the same page with the kids. Marriage is a TEAM…work together.
  • Take a Sabbath
    • God created the sabbath for a reason…to rest, reset, reconnect…do you have a sabbath time together where you are intentionally connecting?
    • Sunday is our day…minimal work.  We rest.
    • Look at your schedules…if you have something going on every day, every evening, multiple appointments and commitments…it’s time for a marriage meeting to discuss, TOGETHER, what can be laid down and let go in order to have a sabbath.
  • Has your marriage become child-centered?
    • Marriage only works in  first place under your relationship with God.
    • The children revolve around the marriage..not the other way around.
    • How?  We have to make that happen and teach our children the priority of marriage.  It is INTENTIONAL.
      • Schedule kid free time.
      • Kids need a bedtime that allows you to be friends and lovers.
      • Get a babysitter for date nights; work out a swap with another couple with kids so you can each have a date night once or twice a month
  • Establish healthy work boundaries.
    • Our jobs can become all consuming but we were never meant to be available 24/7 to anyone except God. We should not be married to our jobs…this includes being a full time mom.
    • Sit down as husband and wife to determine together how to establish healthy work boundaries.
    • Make a plan as a team, divide and conquer the chores, errands and evening routine with the children.
  • Establish social media boundaries.
    • Technology is a wonderful tool but it’s a terrible master.
    • Intentional time together needs to be technology free unless you are watching a marriage enrichment video together or there is something you have determined you are doing or talking about that requires your phone.
    • Turn the phones off.  You do not need to answer calls, texts, emails, and check social media when you are having intentional marriage maintenance time.

Intimacy is intentional and  intimacy is not necessarily about sex.  Intimacy is so much more.  The physical act of making love can be the result of the fulfillment of the kind of intimacy we were created for: TO BE FULLY KNOWN & LOVED…FIRST  by God. This is what enables us to love our spouse with the God kind of love.

If we are each serving one another with the God kind of love then we will be led by the Holy Spirit into this beautiful lifelong marriage journey of true intimacy with our spouse. This is what God calls the Law of Purity in Genesis 2:25. Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed in every way: physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, relational, financially… EVERY WAY. It's Not All About Sex - 3 Secrets to Building True Intimacy

When we are connected on a deeper, spiritual, emotional, relational  level of intimacy in our marriage, sexual intimacy more naturally flows from that.

The marriage journey inevitably produces all sorts of things to distract us and require our attention.  As we age, as we become busy with kids and work, in-laws, commitments, life challenges and hardships… all these “things” can interfere with us having time to share our feelings, fears, needs, challenges, failures, dreams, goals. When is the last time you and your spouse had intentional marriage maintenance time to talk about and write down dreams and goals for your marriage?  Your children?  Your work? Ministry? Finances? Sex life?  You name it?  When is the last time?

BE INTENTIONAL.  

As a result, together you will CULTIVATE GREATER INTIMACY in your marriage.