Establishing Trust In Your Marriage!


That’s something that’s earned, right?

I mean, we don’t just put our trust in anyone (or anything) unless we are sure they (or it) is worthy of it.

What about when God asks us to trust him? That can be difficult for some, especially for new believers where no track record of trust has been established yet.

So how do we establish trust with God, and subsequently develop trust in our marriage?

God Is Always Good!

This first thing we have to get straight is that God is ALWAYS and ONLY good. The Word tells us “His (God’s) plans for us are to prosper us not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). It also tells us “He wishes above all things that we would prosper and be in health, even as our souls prosper” (3 John 2). And there are many other places in the Bible that show us God’s intentions towards us. He comes right out and tells us who we are in Christ Jesus…it’s not hidden. AND it’s all good!

So He is absolutely worthy of putting our trust in!

Some may have doubts about this because they see bad things happening in the world, or in their own particular lives and families. Certainly there are horrible things going on, sometimes unimaginable calamites, trials or devastating circumstances. But we need to know that God does not orchestrate bad or evil things.

Unpleasant things happen because of the fallen world we live in. But the good news is God gave us a way out, a way of protection from the things going on around us…His name is Jesus, and His sacrifice for us was a “once and done” deal. It was enough to satisfy God relative to man’s sin…once for all!

AND, God is the same yesterday, today and forever! Se He has not changed His mind on this! (Hebrews 13:8).

Your Spouse Is Not Your Enemy!

After we get our thinking clear about God and realize He is

more than worthy of our trust, we next have to extend trust to our spouse. One thing we tell couples a lot is this…”your spouse is not your enemy”. In other words, “you’re on the same team”.

  • Will we let each other down sometimes? Certainly!
  • Is there a chance trust will be violated? Sure!
  • Will there be disappointments? Yup!

But when we take a step back from the things that happen to us (or that we think were done to us) we can choose to see things in a different light. Maybe through God’s eyes? Now there’s a noble idea! LOL

We all sin and fall short, and God still loves us, still forgives us, and He still believes in us. So when we feel wronged, what gives us the right to hold unforgiveness against the other person for an extended (sometimes indefinite) period of time? God forgives us, so we need to extend forgiveness too. Not doing so would be putting ourselves above Him.

Vertical Trust B4 Horizontal Trust!

We’ve said it many times in classes we’ve taught, small groups we’ve led and in individual counseling…

…when your relationship (trust) with God is right, then your relationship (trust) with your spouse can be right.

Any earthly relationship will not be “as right” as it can be until our relationship with God is “as right” as it can be. That has to come first. That’s why we started out this blog with God first. Trust in God! Then trust can flow in your marriage!

Helpful? Let us know! We’d love to hear from you.

#marriage #trust #intimacy #forgiveness

Dirty Laundry Dates

Dirty Laundry Dates are the BEST!

I want to take a moment to share some of our “dirty laundry” with you; and, it’s not what you might be thinking. March 4th, several years ago, a Saturday, our washing machine broke down. What’s the big deal, you might ask? Well, for someone who did 2-3 loads of laundry every day, the thought of being without a washing machine could seemingly become overwhelming.

We did what anyone would do and called a repair service. They said they could come Monday. I was elated; however, the repairman meant Monday a week from March 4th. OK…no problem; we can handle a week without a washing machine. Of course it was also the week to wash all of the sheets from 5 beds (LOL). So, my superhero husband, Bill, took all of our laundry to the laundromats and faster then a speeding bullet–because laundromat cycles are 23 minutes– he cranked out the laundry and brought it all home to dry.

The blessed Monday arrived and the repair man showed up only to tell me that the machine tub needed replaced because it was broken and had detached. How does that happen, I asked? He said, “Was it dropped on delivery? This machine is less then a year old?” Ummmm…my response, “Not that I’m aware of.” (Like the delivery guys are going to say, “Here’s your brand new washing machine and by the way we dropped it.”) So, I was a little repetitive and asked again, “So how do you think this happened?” Our awesome repairman looked at me and says, “Dropping it on delivery would do it.” So, he ordered a new replacement part to be delivered to our house and we scheduled again for the following Monday, a week later, to have it fixed.

The next day we got a big snow storm; so when the part didn’t show up Wednesday or Thursday, we weren’t too concerned. Friday…no part; Saturday…no part. Monday, our repair man arrived and had no idea where the part was. After a few phone calls he was told it was on back order. So he ordered another part to arrive Wednesday or Thursday and we scheduled for the following Monday…going on 3 weeks.

What about all of our dirty laundry? Well, we decided to make the best of it. So we had  “laundromat dates”. We picked a day, made sure the kids were off to school and would leave  at 7 a.m., stop at the laundromat to start the laundry, go next door to one of our favorite places for breakfast, have breakfast together, then go back to pick up the wash, put it in my car and I head home to dry it all while Bill would head to work…all before 8 a.m.

Oh there’s more to this story! The part finally arrived and the 3rd Monday came for the washer to be fixed. The repairman opened the box to find the new tub was broken in shipping! He was so apologetic…certainly, not his fault…what are you going to do? I chose to laugh and said, “Well, I guess my husband and I will be having more dirty laundry dates!” That comment will get you some funny looks! So once again, the repairman ordered another part and it arrived Thursday. My husband, Bill, decided to open it before the anticipated Monday fixing date and you guessed it…IT was BROKEN! To make this comedy of errors funnier, the following day we received another washing machine piece that didn’t even go with our washing machine…not sure where it came from. At this point we  had 4 very large front load washing machine pieces in our garage and another repair date for April 12.

We celebrated a month anniversary of Laundromat breakfast dates.

I am sharing this to say we all have unexpected, inconvenient, potentially stressful and overwhelming circumstances…it’s called LIFE. Sometimes those circumstances are completely out of our control. But what we do have control over is how we react to those circumstances. The Word of God says to be filled with joy and peace (Romans 15:13); that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10); and that our joy will refresh & encourage others (Philemon 1:7).

The KEY is we have to CHOOSE JOY when unexpected circumstances arrive. If I CHOOSE JOY…I will have peace. If I CHOOSE JOY I will be strengthened and not weary. If I CHOOSE JOY others around me will be refreshed and encouraged. Let’s ask ourselves some questions in those moments when we could be overwhelmed: “Is how I’m about to respond going to bring me peace? strengthen me? encourage my spouse and family?”

In the midst of our DIRTY LAUNDRY, we chose JOY. “If the devil can’t steal your joy, he can’t get your goods”… in this case…our washing machine. LOL. In all seriousness the enemy can’t come in and steal your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control.

(Check out Jerry Savelle’s book on JOY)


Why not make an unexpected set back something to enjoy and celebrate when we look back and remember it? Really in the whole scheme of life a broken washing machine is just a slight inconvenience, not a serious set back.

So the next time you have some DIRTY LAUNDRY: a set back, an unexpected circumstance, a disagreement, a rough day….choose JOY TOGETHER. Allow God to work through your DIRTY LAUNDRY so you can look back on the “set back” and see you have come out clean and stronger individually and in your marriage.

#choosejoy #marriage


Love & Lead Like a Man

Hey men, what does it mean to be “intentional” when it comes to our wives?  This is a fascinating topic and one that deserves some discussion…Ok if I go first? LOL

In all seriousness, it’s a topic that’s not only fascinating, but also one that can be challenging (or even frightening) if men aren’t prepared and equipped with the HOW and WHAT behind it.  Case in point – a friend recently asked me to speak about this subject at a men’s small group he regularly hosts.  It’s a group of like minded fathers from our local community and he typically expects 7 or 8 guys to show up…this time there were a full dozen in attendance as this topic literally drew men in to learn more about being the husbands & fathers they desire to be.  Kudos to those who showed up eager to grow and mature as Christian men!Be intentional in your marriage. Marriage advice, tips and tools on our website.… | Couple quotes funny, Funny marriage advice, Marriage advice

Here’s what we talked about in that small group…

  • Our Finances
  • Shared Intimacy
  • The Children

Studies show the top three reasons people get married are money, sex & children.  Those same studies (ironically) show the top three reasons for divorce are the same…money, sex & children!

Men, if those are the top three things we need to be on guard about, then we (as the spiritual leaders of our families) should be intentionally leading our wives in those areas.  They need us to be (i.e., they love and greatly appreciate it when we are) intentional in these (and other) ways.

One simple truth to keep in mind at the beginning is this…

A woman’s greatest needs are love & security!

It brings our wives great “security” when we are intentionally leading & initiating which, but the way, is how God created us in the first place.

So, let’s explore each of these (in no particular order)…

The Children
Praying over them (while in the womb)
Paying with them (as children)
Praying for them (as they grow & mature)

As men, we don’t need to know all the answers, we don’t have to be able to recite the most eloquent prayers, and we certainly shouldn’t think we have to “rule with an iron fist” to command respect.  Here’s what we DO need to do – be the sacrificial leaders of our homes.  Yep, that’s pretty much it!  Maybe that’s easier said than done, but Jesus is our example as he willingly sacrificed Himself for His bride (the Church).Fierce Marriage - Husbands are called to lead their families in a loving, Christ-like way. Doing so is a massive privilege and a huge responsibility. Unfortunately, leadership can be hindered by a

So what about this prayer thing?  We lead by initiating it!  Be the one to say, “hey baby, let’s pray”, then take her hand and pray (out loud) with your wife. Even if you aren’t experienced at praying, it’s OK…there’s abundant grace as you get started.  In fact, in men’s ministry we often encourage men to just start out with an 8-second prayer.  Anyone can pray for 8 seconds!  Maybe something like this…“Dear God, please bless our day, keep us safe, guide us with your wisdom, and let your favor be upon us.  In Jesus name.  Amen.”  BAM…8-seconds. Done! But don’t stop there…as you practice and get more comfortable, the Holy Spirit will lead you and impress upon you more and more things to pray for.

I can promise you this…you will quite literally FILL your wife’s “security tank” to overflowing by doing this…there’s nothing like it!

You can do this!  You have what it takes!

Our Finances
Key word = “our” (aka “shared”)

One of the most important keys, as it relates to finances in a marriage, is to view the finances as “ours” – not mine, and yours!  When we get married everything becomes shared…our house, our cars, our children, our schedule, and OUR finances…including any debt that either spouse brings into the marriage.  This is a crucial component of what we call the “the law of possession”…meaning everyone is equal, and everything becomes joined when we marry…just like we are joining our souls together in a one-flesh covenant before Almighty God.

“Well what if we get divorced?”  It will be extremely difficult, stressful and messy…so you better work on your marriage!  That means, being intentional!

Another thing we highly recommend is to have a joint bank account, shared credit card, mutual investments, etc.  Having things separated can lead to secrecy and dishonesty…keep those temptations away from your marriage and out of your finances.  Don’t even give the devil an opportunity to cause division in that area.

So men, lead & initiate when it comes to the finances!

Many times I’ve heard men say, “you don’t want me anywhere near the finances, I’ll mess everything up, it’s just better that she handles everything.”  To that we say, “if the wife is more skilled (administratively gifted) at keeping the checkbook, handling the bank statements, paying the bills and doing the taxes – fine, let her do it!  But the man should be the one to initiate conversations and prayer ABOUT the finances, the budget, the giving, etc.  Bring God into it by leading your wife in this way.”

Shared Intimacy
Intimacy is not sex!

Men, our wives want & need non-sexual touching!  That means holding hands, cuddling, or a back rub WITHOUT an ulterior motive.Intimacy = Into Me See | Marriage quotes, Intimacy, Relationship

Please don’t throw anything at me!  I know, I know…it can be a difficult concept for a man’s brain to comprehend that getting physically close with our wives doesn’t always have to lead to the full on act of sexual intercourse.  Biologically it’s not how we are wired…so that’s where being intentional comes in.  We can “practice” this by being affectionate with our wives in little ways, while exercising that all important fruit of the Spirit of self-control.  This too will fill her “security tank” and you’ll be well on your way to having an emotionally healthy, satisfied and fulfilled wife.

We often teach couples to look at the word “intimacy” this way…

INTIMACY = into me you see

Genuine intimacy means “knowing” each other in a real, authentic, truthful & honest way.  Do we really see and hear each other?  Do we cherish and fully understand each other?  That’s where true intimacy starts.  When we can open up our hearts (the Holy of Holies) to each other by communicating our feelings, our fears, our dreams & desires and let our spouse into the deepest places of our soul.  That, gentlemen, is real and authentic intimacy.  AND, from that a great sex life blossoms and grows.

I hope this has been helpful to you today, and that you are encouraged to BE INTENTIONAL as it relates to the most important earthly relationship you have – God’s gift to you – your best friend, your partner, your teammate – your lovely, intriguing, fascinating, and beautiful wife!